he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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