I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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