hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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