only you would photoshop your dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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