Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
