Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
