It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
