what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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