sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
