while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
