Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
