he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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