what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
