cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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