Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this is an emotional support booty call
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
