a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she looked like the before picture.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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