i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
