i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
