We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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