oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
