Don't make out with my wife yet
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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