if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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