I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
