I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
