we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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