I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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