I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
