I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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