how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
