So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
