Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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