We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
