This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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