i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
