All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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