I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
