youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
