Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
two words: eviction party
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We left the knife in your bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
