just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
home. puking in laundry basket.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
