Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
