My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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