Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
