why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
