At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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