So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
