Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
