all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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