Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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