dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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