a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
