Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
