he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
