One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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