I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
