I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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