And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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