no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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